Workzombie.

I am so ruttin' tired I can't stand it. I've worked straight through since early September (including many if not most evenings) with only a couple of days off, which, while temporarily relaxing, have only proven to put me more behind.

This is similar to what it was like years ago when I was so burned out that I quit. Of course, I hung on for about three years during that time, but at least then I had something waiting at home to keep me at least a little more balanced. Okay, only a fraction more balanced. But it was, for a long time, enough.

In the end I actually enjoy what I do, but it's sort of like being force fed pizza... which, as you may remember, is my favorite food... the kryptonite to my waistline. Sure, it's fun for a while, but eventually you just want to vomit if you look at another piece. Right now I'm beyond retching... I'm in to the dry heaves.

Sure, I'll have the entire month of December and the first week of January off due to all of the comp hours I've built up (an estimated 170 by Thanksgiving), but really... is it worth it? To what end am I killing myself, truly? I'm doing a job, I am appreciated at what I do (perhaps even respected, if I may be so bold), but at what cost? My thoughts are clouded, I can rarely put together a coherent sentence as I speak to others. I feel as though my 'self', what little 'life' I had before, is slipping away, slowly, as sand through an hourglass lost to the wind as I stumble ahead with only the faintest idea of what I'm supposed to be doing next.

Right now, all I am is work. Nothing else. Even if I HAD time off, I'm not entirely certain what I'd do with it...