And so the travel begins... (6/1/04)

(Note: This is the actual first entry of the trail journal I kept in '04. I began each entry with the phrase, "Today I feel..." and would go on to use one word to describe how I felt at the end of that particular day. I'd write the journal just prior to going to sleep, often in the small light of my headlamp, bent up in an awkward position in my small tent. This first entry, however, was done at a hostel for hikers in Damascus, Virginia, called "The Place". Dick and Celia, his wife, were staying a local bed and breakfast as they'd not see each other in a month. I opted for the cheaper venue, unfortunately. The Place was a dingy and slightly smelly house that had been outfitted with third hand furniture and out of date magazines and had plywood bunks for sleeping areas. All in all it could have been worse and was more like a mansion for those who had already been out in the woods for a while, but for me, who had yet to step foot on the Trail yet, it didn't help my feeling of isolation and loneliness that had begun to creep in. So, I sat there, in one of my Superman shirts, and began to write...)


6.1.04 "The Place" - Damascus, VA

Today I am feeling...

And thus begins what may the one hundredth thousand journal on this trail.

I don't know how I feel.

I am both at peace (changing to ball point in case this ever gets wet) and terribly ill at ease. I just want to GO. I just want to be out there.

I feel ridiculous in this "S" shirt. I am not wearing it tomorrow.

A gregarious man is walking from room to room. There is one woman (youngish, maybe my age or a bit less) that everyone seems to want to talk to, including me. I don't know why. She's female and on the Trail... I guess that's enough.

A young cat with sad eyes looked at me.

I feel ridiculous in this "S" shirt because it, to me, seems so pompous. There are people here who have been on the Trail for months- I've not been it thirty minutes yet.

I miss my friends already. I miss the comfort of knowing Yovanka or Caroline, Steve or Vicky are only a call away. I am hoping God fills the void. It's what I want, why I'm out here.

Earlier I already had some of what I call, I guess, a 'Spirit buzz', a slight euphoria which usually comes when the Spirit of God is moving in an instance. I had been praying that first and fore most He'd bless me with more knowledge of Him, that I'd know him better. There is no greater Glory than Him revealing Himself in love to His children.

In a way it feels as though I never left home - taking it with me in my heart, perhaps. I dunno.

I really love the Lord. I want to know Him so much, to have Him work in my life, to have Him through me to bless others. To be used by Him for His glory.

I want to go over and spend time with Dick and Celia. Not being away from them for an hour yet and I'm lonely.

Lord, I want to walk with you, to know your company, to experience you, to spend time with you, to get to know you as I do Yovie or Caroline, to be in such good contact with you to be able to pick up the "phone" and know that you'll call right back.

I feel like crying and I don't know why.

What am I going to do?

The Lord must be my comfort.

(Note: At this time I tried to go to sleep but the excitement or melancholy, or something, kept me from doing so. I walked down the street to find a pay phone.)

(Later)

I feel lightheaded and unearthly, like I'm not really here.

I tried to get on two pay phones to call Vicky and Yovie but they were taken. I had hoped to feel better by speaking with them under the guise of alleviating their worry (even if they have any). I waited for a bit to see if I could get on one but neither talker seemed to indicate they were about to get off.

I want to sleep but don't know if I can.

I still feel self-conscious in this stupid "S" shirt.

Steve and Vicki are my family. So is Yovie.

(To be continued...)