(Note: The second day of AT journal writing finds me at our first shelter after my the first actual day of hiking. While I rode up there with Dick and, technically, we were hiking 'together', this only means that we began and ended at the same place every day. More often than not we'd be on our own while as we walked out different speeds. A saying out there is "Hike your own hike", which means, do things the way YOU want to do them, you're out here for no one else but yourself. Dick enjoyed stopping to catch a nice view. Eventually I realized that while I enjoyed the views, I didn't need to linger as long and I enjoyed the walk itself. This meant that Dick and I rarely (as memory serves, but we'll see as I continue revisiting these entries) ever walked together for long. This day was a light day, miles wise, just enough to get our legs a bit more accustomed to walking with weight. Funny... I remember nothing of what I saw that first day...)
6.2.04 "Saunders Shelter" [9.6 Miles walked today]
Today I am feeling... melancholy. Again.
The walk was alright but all day I fought melancholy (more often than not, simply giving in to it).
I cried inwardly for God to heal me of the loneliness and hopelessness.
At one point I though he may have pointed out that I was walking with someone who is supposedly my brother, that I will always have companionship in that. So, I stopped lagging behind and caught up with him and stayed with him for most of the rest of the day.
Later, after we had made camp at the Saunders Shelter, I found out that the folks occupying the shelter itself (our tents were pitched nearby) were from a church (three 15 year olds and three adults). After Dick turned in I went to the shelter. There was a newlywed couple from the U.K. who had also begun today. It made me, of course, miss having someone with whom I could share a tent (but, then, India and I only ever went camping once, ever, but it's just the idea...). Then, one of the church adults mentioned he has been married for 25 years. It was like getting kicked in the gut. The melancholy came back.
It began raining, so I went back to my tent to get cleaned up and turn in.
(My tent leaks slightly, right where my head should be.)
Psalm 9 says that "the Lord never forsakes those who seek Him." I have that to look forward to.
I want such a relationship with the Lord that I don't feel this intense alienation any more.
I love Him and just with that He'd speak to me and let me know that He's there.
(Note: I don't really know what this alienation is that I'm talking about above. Was it from others? Was it from Him? Did the worship and thinking about the Lord fill a hole that had been in me that day? I can't remember.)
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